Warning: This is kinda ranty.
So, I’ve been going crazy without doing any real workouts for the past three weeks. My hip pain has been a little inconsistent (just when I think it’s gone so I try to walk for more than 15 minutes, then BAM! Pain!), so I haven’t really been working out. This lack of exercise has me feeling kinda down on myself; Mark commented that I’ve been “moping around” the house. I won’t lie, all this sullenness is due to me stressing about the fact that since I’m not working out then I’m not burning calories, which means I won’t lose weight. Even though the scale keeps telling me that I have not gained weight (in fact last weigh-in I had lost 2 lbs), when I look in the mirror I see a bigger belly, the beginnings of a double chin and I just feel big. Then yesterday we went out to have lunch with my family and my brother decides to lean over after we’ve ordered our meals and say “Did you gain weight? You look a little chubby today … Maybe it’s the shirt?” Sigh. I’ve talked before about how my family is not the most supportive when it comes to my weight sometimes; it’s easy for them to focus on how I’m still not “skinny” rather than how far I’ve come. I know this, and I don’t hold it against them; yet still that one comment ruined the rest of my evening and just has me in a funk today.
Could this be hormonal (my period is due very soon)? Maybe, but I’ve been feeling this for the past two weeks. It is something that I’m struggling with a lot and I just wish I could wake up and feel great about myself all over again. Why is my self esteem so tied up to my body image? This is something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember; as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize this comes from the way I was raised but even realizing that hasn’t helped me completely get over it. I’ve come a long way but I get in these weird funks every once in a while.
My goal for today is to go for a little walk outside (15 – 20 min max), listen to some music and try and keep negative thoughts out by focusing on the good things that have happened today. I’ve done pretty good with counting calories and not going off the deep end with food, so I’ll focus on that as well. Hopefully I’ll be out of this funk soon enough.
How about you? Do you have days where you’re just down on yourself and how you look? How do you get over it?