The Sun Does Shine Again

Smile When the Shadows Fall for the Sun Will Soon Shine Again

The thing they don’t tell you about mental illness is how it sometimes lulls you into a fake sense of security before pulling the rug out from under you. This new medication (Wellbutrin) has been working wonders but then my period came and suddenly I was back in tears every five seconds, lashing out and just being irrational. Now, should I be surprised? Hormones are a crazy thing after all, and I did all the research to see if this antidepressant would actually affect my menstrual cycle (they say no). But it completely turned my whole house upside down. Mark and I were at each others’ throats, and anything he said to me was met with mistrust and aggression.

As bad as my periods have been, and they are bad, I’d never experienced such a Dr. Jeckyll/Ms. Hyde scenario before. Mark was caught like a deer in headlights and the house became a warzone. It was such a big blow to us because I’ve been making so much progress and it just spiraled me into a deeper depression.

I guess what I had to learn firsthand (which has been told to me many times) that when you’re in recovery, setbacks can and will happen.

I’m happy to report that things have more or less returned to “normal” or whatever is passing for that these days. This family has been through a lot, and yes I say this family because although most things happened directly to me, they affected everyone. As I write this, Frenchie and Mark argue about whether or not “Daddy can sit down” (that girl is so strong-willed!) and I’m sitting here, content, in front of my laptop and being able to write again as the smell of brewing coffee fills the air.

Life is good. Enjoy the little moments.

photo 3-7

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In which Kat learns about Patience … AGAIN.

So I write that previous post and the following day I wake up feeling much better.

Love will make everything better

Love will make everything better

Didn’t cry once. I guess Wellbutrin is finally working?

I feel more upbeat, can concentrate more during my morning meditation, have creative thoughts coming out my ears and I just feel more like, well, me. I’m writing nonstop and have ideas for articles and maybe even short stories again! I wish I slept more, though. Gonna try and buy Melatonin this week. Anyone try it and can give me your perspective on it?

The anxiety and nightmares are still there, of course, but I like my new therapist and we’ve chosen to do CPT therapy especially because of my PTSD so hopefully that can get better soon.

What’s that saying I’m always repeating? “Smile When the Shadows Fall for the Sun Will Soon Shine Again” yet I always seem to forget it when I’m down. I need to tattoo it. No kidding.

As for The Ovarian Cyst That Will Not Die. Still There. Seeing GYN on Monday. Will demand she remove this sumbitch NOW. I can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE! It keeps GROWING! Ugh. I wish I was a man sometimes. A fabulous gay man with a magnificent sense of style and 9 inch penis. I mean, seriously, I’d be glorious.

The Girl Goes Corporate (A Story With Pictures!)

As you all well know by now I have been adamant about having purple hair, no matter what. I even went so far as dyeing it black once for an interview, getting the job and then re-bleaching and going back to purple in less than 3 weeks, risking tons of damage. Purple. Fo. Lyfe.

Happy Times!

But, as Robert Frost taught us, nothing gold can stay. And this isn’t The Outsiders and I’m definitely NOT a Ponyboy, come on, I would’ve totally been Sodapop, OK? (Although secretly I would have thought myself a Dallas … doesn’t everyone?)

Anyway, back to the point. There comes a time in every starry-eyed, purple-haired young girl’s life when she has to grow up and realize that she is now an “adult” woman and needs a job where she needs to make big money because of stupid “adult” things like bills and the people at this job tell her she needs to get rid of her beloved, beautiful hair. And no lie, you guys, she dies a little inside. (And she realizes she’s being a little dramatic about the whole thing but, come on, the hair is just so pretty!)

So, I did it. I did it for the money! (God, I love the drama of this post.) I did it because I had to. I made Mark go with me to Target and look through hair dye boxes for like 45 minutes (“But am I a dark burgundy or. like, just a regular burgundy”) until the man looked like he would either cry or throttle me (probably both, at the same time.) prior to finding something I thought would both please people at work and still feed the little rebellious teenage girl who will always live within me. That bitch won’t shut up.

I know you’re dying with anticipation, so here it is, the whole process (because like all teenage girls, my inner one is also obnoxious):

Sullen, I await The Change

Sullen, I await The Change. I’m totally singing “The Sword of Damocles” in my mind.

 

And then, 45 minutes later, it was done. I walked into the shower and rinsed of the hairdye and totally did that thing where you try to guess the color of the wet hair you just dyed by holding it up to the light coming through the bathroom window but of course you can’t tell shit cuz it’s wet. Don’t lie, you know you’ve done it. I was especially anxious to see the results because I have lighter-bleached hair up front and had no idea how the whole thing would come out. This is what it looked like last night after it dried:

Not so bad. Never mind the little bruise on my forehead. Still healing here.

Not so bad, huh? Never mind the little bruise on my forehead. Still healing here. Vitamins and rest are my friends!

I'm actually doing these while chatting with the GoGoT girls from TheFlounce.Com! Ha!

I’m actually doing these while chatting with the GoGoT girls from TheFlounce.Com! Ha! That was so awesome!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the real test would come the following day, under the brightest light of all…. THE LIGHT OF THE SUNN!! (Pretend I screamed the whole sun thing in a total Metal voice, it adds to the drama. Do it.)

Alright so far, like a black cherry...

Hmm, like a black cherry…

Yes, I think I like this….

I can still kinda punk it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute…

Wait a minute ... This hair color is GLORIOUS!

This hair color is GLORIOUS!

All right, all right, so I kind of cheated. I can’t let the shade of violet or purple out of my life forever, you know? I did say Fo. Lyfe.  I meant that. So when I found that Vidal Sassoon has this whole line of permanent hair color called The London Luxe Collection, with a color called Deep Velvet Violet and I read reviews that it wasn’t too purpley but it was violet enough in the sun, I was like “Daaassss ittt!!” (I’m so sorry for that link, it’s so offensive but it kills me.) Anyway, this hairdye is awesome and it looks totally different in different lighting, it’s chameleon hair! Here, I’ll show you:

hair6 hair13 hair12 hair11

These were all taken driving while Mark drove around like at 5PM, and I had WAY too much fun doing it!

So, thus concludes my epic story of how I simply dyed my hair a different shade of violet and made you all read a really long blog post about it and gave me excuse to overload you with selfies. I mean, ahem, this was about discovering how I can still be my rebellious self even if I have to grow up and blah blahdy blah blah something, I turned thirty last year blah blah enlightenment. There you go. Deep stuff! We’ve all learned something! the-more-you-know-nbc

 

 

 

But seriously, this is the best color ever!

But seriously, this is the best color ever!

Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometimes…

I don’t want to end this week with such a negative post. Yes, I’m going through some really dark shit but I’m also surprising myself with my resilience and strength of character. I will not let this shit get me down. I’ve already started making plans for the very near future I won’t share because I don’t want to jinx them (I’m such a Colombian, I swear) and realizing that I have my writing muse back (guys I’ve written TWO RECAPS already!!! TWO! Back to back and barely sleeping, just like the old times!! I can’t wait until I’m able to share them here!) has made me feel alive again. Ah, writing always fixes everything for me.

 So just remember, always smile when the shadows fall for the sun will soon shine again (and again, and again).

A couple weeks ago but recent enough :)

A few days recent enough that I’m not beat up