New Recaps are up!

Hello! There are brand spankin’ new recaps both for Game of Thrones and Orphan Black!

I also spiffed up the GoGoT page a bit, so it’s easier to navigate over to the full recaps/chats at theFlounce.

Also, each Orphan Black recap has its own page and I’m working on maybe making a whole full Season One recap, but not sure if I’ll have time because I’ve been thinking of other things to write about these days. Anyway.

Look Up at the Tv Recaps menu and follow to your hearts’ content.

 

 

And leave some comments, will ya??

In which Kat learns about Patience … AGAIN.

So I write that previous post and the following day I wake up feeling much better.

Love will make everything better

Love will make everything better

Didn’t cry once. I guess Wellbutrin is finally working?

I feel more upbeat, can concentrate more during my morning meditation, have creative thoughts coming out my ears and I just feel more like, well, me. I’m writing nonstop and have ideas for articles and maybe even short stories again! I wish I slept more, though. Gonna try and buy Melatonin this week. Anyone try it and can give me your perspective on it?

The anxiety and nightmares are still there, of course, but I like my new therapist and we’ve chosen to do CPT therapy especially because of my PTSD so hopefully that can get better soon.

What’s that saying I’m always repeating? “Smile When the Shadows Fall for the Sun Will Soon Shine Again” yet I always seem to forget it when I’m down. I need to tattoo it. No kidding.

As for The Ovarian Cyst That Will Not Die. Still There. Seeing GYN on Monday. Will demand she remove this sumbitch NOW. I can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE! It keeps GROWING! Ugh. I wish I was a man sometimes. A fabulous gay man with a magnificent sense of style and 9 inch penis. I mean, seriously, I’d be glorious.

The Girl Goes Corporate (A Story With Pictures!)

As you all well know by now I have been adamant about having purple hair, no matter what. I even went so far as dyeing it black once for an interview, getting the job and then re-bleaching and going back to purple in less than 3 weeks, risking tons of damage. Purple. Fo. Lyfe.

Happy Times!

But, as Robert Frost taught us, nothing gold can stay. And this isn’t The Outsiders and I’m definitely NOT a Ponyboy, come on, I would’ve totally been Sodapop, OK? (Although secretly I would have thought myself a Dallas … doesn’t everyone?)

Anyway, back to the point. There comes a time in every starry-eyed, purple-haired young girl’s life when she has to grow up and realize that she is now an “adult” woman and needs a job where she needs to make big money because of stupid “adult” things like bills and the people at this job tell her she needs to get rid of her beloved, beautiful hair. And no lie, you guys, she dies a little inside. (And she realizes she’s being a little dramatic about the whole thing but, come on, the hair is just so pretty!)

So, I did it. I did it for the money! (God, I love the drama of this post.) I did it because I had to. I made Mark go with me to Target and look through hair dye boxes for like 45 minutes (“But am I a dark burgundy or. like, just a regular burgundy”) until the man looked like he would either cry or throttle me (probably both, at the same time.) prior to finding something I thought would both please people at work and still feed the little rebellious teenage girl who will always live within me. That bitch won’t shut up.

I know you’re dying with anticipation, so here it is, the whole process (because like all teenage girls, my inner one is also obnoxious):

Sullen, I await The Change

Sullen, I await The Change. I’m totally singing “The Sword of Damocles” in my mind.

 

And then, 45 minutes later, it was done. I walked into the shower and rinsed of the hairdye and totally did that thing where you try to guess the color of the wet hair you just dyed by holding it up to the light coming through the bathroom window but of course you can’t tell shit cuz it’s wet. Don’t lie, you know you’ve done it. I was especially anxious to see the results because I have lighter-bleached hair up front and had no idea how the whole thing would come out. This is what it looked like last night after it dried:

Not so bad. Never mind the little bruise on my forehead. Still healing here.

Not so bad, huh? Never mind the little bruise on my forehead. Still healing here. Vitamins and rest are my friends!

I'm actually doing these while chatting with the GoGoT girls from TheFlounce.Com! Ha!

I’m actually doing these while chatting with the GoGoT girls from TheFlounce.Com! Ha! That was so awesome!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the real test would come the following day, under the brightest light of all…. THE LIGHT OF THE SUNN!! (Pretend I screamed the whole sun thing in a total Metal voice, it adds to the drama. Do it.)

Alright so far, like a black cherry...

Hmm, like a black cherry…

Yes, I think I like this….

I can still kinda punk it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute…

Wait a minute ... This hair color is GLORIOUS!

This hair color is GLORIOUS!

All right, all right, so I kind of cheated. I can’t let the shade of violet or purple out of my life forever, you know? I did say Fo. Lyfe.  I meant that. So when I found that Vidal Sassoon has this whole line of permanent hair color called The London Luxe Collection, with a color called Deep Velvet Violet and I read reviews that it wasn’t too purpley but it was violet enough in the sun, I was like “Daaassss ittt!!” (I’m so sorry for that link, it’s so offensive but it kills me.) Anyway, this hairdye is awesome and it looks totally different in different lighting, it’s chameleon hair! Here, I’ll show you:

hair6 hair13 hair12 hair11

These were all taken driving while Mark drove around like at 5PM, and I had WAY too much fun doing it!

So, thus concludes my epic story of how I simply dyed my hair a different shade of violet and made you all read a really long blog post about it and gave me excuse to overload you with selfies. I mean, ahem, this was about discovering how I can still be my rebellious self even if I have to grow up and blah blahdy blah blah something, I turned thirty last year blah blah enlightenment. There you go. Deep stuff! We’ve all learned something! the-more-you-know-nbc

 

 

 

But seriously, this is the best color ever!

But seriously, this is the best color ever!

Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometimes…

I don’t want to end this week with such a negative post. Yes, I’m going through some really dark shit but I’m also surprising myself with my resilience and strength of character. I will not let this shit get me down. I’ve already started making plans for the very near future I won’t share because I don’t want to jinx them (I’m such a Colombian, I swear) and realizing that I have my writing muse back (guys I’ve written TWO RECAPS already!!! TWO! Back to back and barely sleeping, just like the old times!! I can’t wait until I’m able to share them here!) has made me feel alive again. Ah, writing always fixes everything for me.

 So just remember, always smile when the shadows fall for the sun will soon shine again (and again, and again).

A couple weeks ago but recent enough :)

A few days recent enough that I’m not beat up

Back From The Dead?

Well, kind of. I’ve neglected writing for so wrong that it’s like rising back from the dead. A LOT has gone on in my life. I updated what I could to keep you guys semi-updated

(not that I’m sure anyone really read this…) My main thing was getting sexually assaulted last year and slowly dealing with that.

I’m still not over it. I still have nightmares. I was going to therapy for a while but my therapist sort of broke up with me because I wouldn’t show up since getting out of bed was impossible. Jeez this post is a downer. It’s gonna get cheerier, I promise. Ish. My neurologist took away my ability to drive until I can be at least three months seizure-free. Hasn’t happened yet.

Cautiously Optimistic

Cautiously Optimistic

The actual diagnosis for the seizures (or “events” like theneuros call them) is Non Epileptic Attack Disorder (NEAD). Other names; which I FUCKING HATE because it makes them sound like it’s just something you’re making up are: Psychogenic Seizures and Pseudo Seizures. It’s like they imply they aren’t happening. I’ve had paramedics arguing me that I’m faking. How is our medical staff so uninformed?? The only treatment is psychiatry and therapy and medication.  I’m seeing a new therapist today and I’m nervous because it’s always nerve wracking to have to go through all my story with someone new. But maybe she can offer a different perspective on things. I need a different kind of therapy because so far all I’ve done is talk about my childhood and take too many benzodiazepines to cope with anxiety. I can’t go on like this.

Mostly, I’m pissed off that the guys who assaulted me didn’t just rape my body but it’s also like they raped my brain as well. And they got away with it because I felt pressured t drop the charges because it all such a horror movie. I  used to be such a happy go lucky type of girl an these days I’m mostly bitter. It isn’t fair. I’m hoping Cognitive Therapy can change these behaviors. I’m hoping I can find solace in weigh lifting and yoga and just being active again. I’m hoping I can forgive ad forget these people I called my “friends” for so long and embrace new friendships.

At least some good news have been coming my way, I found a wonderful community at exJayners and they actually write my writing and want me to start writing for TheFlounce.com which is this awesome website they are starting out. So far it’ll be some TV Recaps (What? I get to watch TV and write about it!? Whoo!!!) but they mentioned I may get other assignments as well and as you can tell this is the first time I have felt truly happy in MONTHS. So, thank you guys!

Fighting The Stigma

We’ve all seen the articles, the news stories “She lost over xxx-lbs! No surgery! No gimmicks!”

 

How hard could this all be , Fatty? You must just be lazy!

How hard could this all be to follow, Fatty? You must just be lazy!

Well, fuck you.

 Weight Loss Surgery is not a gimmick, it is not the “easy way” out, it isn’t “cheating.” By the way, if it was a “magic fix” then post-op regain would never happen! I am sick and tired of the stigma that people like me (who had any kind of WLS) have to go through all the time.

 I have heard all of the following statements at one time or another since having surgery:

“Have you seen The Biggest Loser? Those people lose hundreds of pounds the ‘old fashioned’ way.” (Yeah, the old fashioned way where you are stuck at a ranch and workout 8 hours a day and are barely allowed to eat or drink water before getting on a scale, ok.)

“I think you could have done it by yourself if you just exercised and ate right.” (Oh, my God! Exercise and Eating Right? Why didn’t you SAY SO? If I would have known it was so easy I would have TRIED THAT before REMOVING PART OF MY SMALL INTESTINE! You have blown my mind!)

“But people who get that surgery have to be like, really super duper fat right? You must have been really, really fat.” (Yeah. Thanks?)

“My cousin had a neighbor who had his stomach stapled and a staple came off and he died.” (OK???)

“You don’t look like you had surgery. Aren’t you supposed to get like, skinny?”(No shit. Someone said to me to my face. At my old job.)

“Well, you must be happy that you could eat anything and just turn skinny.” (LOL. See above.)

“Can you even eat?? I heard you can’t eat. OMG, what do you eat??” (Food.)

“You know that people can gain all their weight back and more? Like that singer lady?” (Sigh. Yes, Mom. I am aware of Carnie Wilson.)

“Yeah but I rather lose weight on my own, you know? Like, work for it instead of just cheating.” (Yep. To my face.)

So, let me just say again, for the record: THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY!

 My weightloss or my story isn’t any LESS than yours because I had surgery. I still wake up six times a day and work my ASS off to keep losing weight. I fight cravings. I struggle to make the right food choices. I log my calories. I work just as hard as anyone to get in shape and I think some WLS patients work even harder because they feel people constantly looking at them and judging them. I feel it all the time. At family functions, at my old job after surgery: people watch you like a hawk. They watch what you eat, when you eat it, how much you’re eating and they feel free to make comments. Why? Because somehow they think that because you had WLS your body is something they can freely talk about. As if we didn’t have enough to deal with when we were fat (Basically the same things, think about it. Everyone is a doctor when talking to a fat person.) now we have to deal with more shit after we decided to do something about it.

 Weight Loss Surgery isn’t a magic potion that will make you skinny and happy. It is a life-changing decision that is never come to lightly. And my weightloss matters as much as Whoever, who lost it the “old fashioned” way. Where is my story on ABC? My People Magazine cover? Did you know that 95% of people who diet and lose a significant amount of weight fail? Sorry I took three years to decide to increase my 5% chance of success. That doesn’t make me less than you, it just makes what I did different than what people usually do.

 I think more WLS patients need to get their positive stories out there and fight this ridiculous bias against us. We are constantly bombarded with all these stories about how people lost weight “all natural, “without gimmicks” and it’s almost like they want us to feel shame.

 Well, fuck that, I’m done feeling like a failure.

 

Having Gastric Bypass Surgery changed AND saved my life; I’d do it all over again.

2009-2013

2009-2013

 

I’m proud of my weightloss and you’ll never take that from me.


Any of you had WLS out there and been shamed for it? Fight back! Fuck the Haters!