Back From The Dead?

Well, kind of. I’ve neglected writing for so wrong that it’s like rising back from the dead. A LOT has gone on in my life. I updated what I could to keep you guys semi-updated

(not that I’m sure anyone really read this…) My main thing was getting sexually assaulted last year and slowly dealing with that.

I’m still not over it. I still have nightmares. I was going to therapy for a while but my therapist sort of broke up with me because I wouldn’t show up since getting out of bed was impossible. Jeez this post is a downer. It’s gonna get cheerier, I promise. Ish. My neurologist took away my ability to drive until I can be at least three months seizure-free. Hasn’t happened yet.

Cautiously Optimistic

Cautiously Optimistic

The actual diagnosis for the seizures (or “events” like theneuros call them) is Non Epileptic Attack Disorder (NEAD). Other names; which I FUCKING HATE because it makes them sound like it’s just something you’re making up are: Psychogenic Seizures and Pseudo Seizures. It’s like they imply they aren’t happening. I’ve had paramedics arguing me that I’m faking. How is our medical staff so uninformed?? The only treatment is psychiatry and therapy and medication.  I’m seeing a new therapist today and I’m nervous because it’s always nerve wracking to have to go through all my story with someone new. But maybe she can offer a different perspective on things. I need a different kind of therapy because so far all I’ve done is talk about my childhood and take too many benzodiazepines to cope with anxiety. I can’t go on like this.

Mostly, I’m pissed off that the guys who assaulted me didn’t just rape my body but it’s also like they raped my brain as well. And they got away with it because I felt pressured t drop the charges because it all such a horror movie. I  used to be such a happy go lucky type of girl an these days I’m mostly bitter. It isn’t fair. I’m hoping Cognitive Therapy can change these behaviors. I’m hoping I can find solace in weigh lifting and yoga and just being active again. I’m hoping I can forgive ad forget these people I called my “friends” for so long and embrace new friendships.

At least some good news have been coming my way, I found a wonderful community at exJayners and they actually write my writing and want me to start writing for which is this awesome website they are starting out. So far it’ll be some TV Recaps (What? I get to watch TV and write about it!? Whoo!!!) but they mentioned I may get other assignments as well and as you can tell this is the first time I have felt truly happy in MONTHS. So, thank you guys!