The Girl Goes Corporate (A Story With Pictures!)

As you all well know by now I have been adamant about having purple hair, no matter what. I even went so far as dyeing it black once for an interview, getting the job and then re-bleaching and going back to purple in less than 3 weeks, risking tons of damage. Purple. Fo. Lyfe.

Happy Times!

But, as Robert Frost taught us, nothing gold can stay. And this isn’t The Outsiders and I’m definitely NOT a Ponyboy, come on, I would’ve totally been Sodapop, OK? (Although secretly I would have thought myself a Dallas … doesn’t everyone?)

Anyway, back to the point. There comes a time in every starry-eyed, purple-haired young girl’s life when she has to grow up and realize that she is now an “adult” woman and needs a job where she needs to make big money because of stupid “adult” things like bills and the people at this job tell her she needs to get rid of her beloved, beautiful hair. And no lie, you guys, she dies a little inside. (And she realizes she’s being a little dramatic about the whole thing but, come on, the hair is just so pretty!)

So, I did it. I did it for the money! (God, I love the drama of this post.) I did it because I had to. I made Mark go with me to Target and look through hair dye boxes for like 45 minutes (“But am I a dark burgundy or. like, just a regular burgundy”) until the man looked like he would either cry or throttle me (probably both, at the same time.) prior to finding something I thought would both please people at work and still feed the little rebellious teenage girl who will always live within me. That bitch won’t shut up.

I know you’re dying with anticipation, so here it is, the whole process (because like all teenage girls, my inner one is also obnoxious):

Sullen, I await The Change

Sullen, I await The Change. I’m totally singing “The Sword of Damocles” in my mind.

 

And then, 45 minutes later, it was done. I walked into the shower and rinsed of the hairdye and totally did that thing where you try to guess the color of the wet hair you just dyed by holding it up to the light coming through the bathroom window but of course you can’t tell shit cuz it’s wet. Don’t lie, you know you’ve done it. I was especially anxious to see the results because I have lighter-bleached hair up front and had no idea how the whole thing would come out. This is what it looked like last night after it dried:

Not so bad. Never mind the little bruise on my forehead. Still healing here.

Not so bad, huh? Never mind the little bruise on my forehead. Still healing here. Vitamins and rest are my friends!

I'm actually doing these while chatting with the GoGoT girls from TheFlounce.Com! Ha!

I’m actually doing these while chatting with the GoGoT girls from TheFlounce.Com! Ha! That was so awesome!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the real test would come the following day, under the brightest light of all…. THE LIGHT OF THE SUNN!! (Pretend I screamed the whole sun thing in a total Metal voice, it adds to the drama. Do it.)

Alright so far, like a black cherry...

Hmm, like a black cherry…

Yes, I think I like this….

I can still kinda punk it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute…

Wait a minute ... This hair color is GLORIOUS!

This hair color is GLORIOUS!

All right, all right, so I kind of cheated. I can’t let the shade of violet or purple out of my life forever, you know? I did say Fo. Lyfe.  I meant that. So when I found that Vidal Sassoon has this whole line of permanent hair color called The London Luxe Collection, with a color called Deep Velvet Violet and I read reviews that it wasn’t too purpley but it was violet enough in the sun, I was like “Daaassss ittt!!” (I’m so sorry for that link, it’s so offensive but it kills me.) Anyway, this hairdye is awesome and it looks totally different in different lighting, it’s chameleon hair! Here, I’ll show you:

hair6 hair13 hair12 hair11

These were all taken driving while Mark drove around like at 5PM, and I had WAY too much fun doing it!

So, thus concludes my epic story of how I simply dyed my hair a different shade of violet and made you all read a really long blog post about it and gave me excuse to overload you with selfies. I mean, ahem, this was about discovering how I can still be my rebellious self even if I have to grow up and blah blahdy blah blah something, I turned thirty last year blah blah enlightenment. There you go. Deep stuff! We’ve all learned something! the-more-you-know-nbc

 

 

 

But seriously, this is the best color ever!

But seriously, this is the best color ever!

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Fighting The Stigma

We’ve all seen the articles, the news stories “She lost over xxx-lbs! No surgery! No gimmicks!”

 

How hard could this all be , Fatty? You must just be lazy!

How hard could this all be to follow, Fatty? You must just be lazy!

Well, fuck you.

 Weight Loss Surgery is not a gimmick, it is not the “easy way” out, it isn’t “cheating.” By the way, if it was a “magic fix” then post-op regain would never happen! I am sick and tired of the stigma that people like me (who had any kind of WLS) have to go through all the time.

 I have heard all of the following statements at one time or another since having surgery:

“Have you seen The Biggest Loser? Those people lose hundreds of pounds the ‘old fashioned’ way.” (Yeah, the old fashioned way where you are stuck at a ranch and workout 8 hours a day and are barely allowed to eat or drink water before getting on a scale, ok.)

“I think you could have done it by yourself if you just exercised and ate right.” (Oh, my God! Exercise and Eating Right? Why didn’t you SAY SO? If I would have known it was so easy I would have TRIED THAT before REMOVING PART OF MY SMALL INTESTINE! You have blown my mind!)

“But people who get that surgery have to be like, really super duper fat right? You must have been really, really fat.” (Yeah. Thanks?)

“My cousin had a neighbor who had his stomach stapled and a staple came off and he died.” (OK???)

“You don’t look like you had surgery. Aren’t you supposed to get like, skinny?”(No shit. Someone said to me to my face. At my old job.)

“Well, you must be happy that you could eat anything and just turn skinny.” (LOL. See above.)

“Can you even eat?? I heard you can’t eat. OMG, what do you eat??” (Food.)

“You know that people can gain all their weight back and more? Like that singer lady?” (Sigh. Yes, Mom. I am aware of Carnie Wilson.)

“Yeah but I rather lose weight on my own, you know? Like, work for it instead of just cheating.” (Yep. To my face.)

So, let me just say again, for the record: THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY!

 My weightloss or my story isn’t any LESS than yours because I had surgery. I still wake up six times a day and work my ASS off to keep losing weight. I fight cravings. I struggle to make the right food choices. I log my calories. I work just as hard as anyone to get in shape and I think some WLS patients work even harder because they feel people constantly looking at them and judging them. I feel it all the time. At family functions, at my old job after surgery: people watch you like a hawk. They watch what you eat, when you eat it, how much you’re eating and they feel free to make comments. Why? Because somehow they think that because you had WLS your body is something they can freely talk about. As if we didn’t have enough to deal with when we were fat (Basically the same things, think about it. Everyone is a doctor when talking to a fat person.) now we have to deal with more shit after we decided to do something about it.

 Weight Loss Surgery isn’t a magic potion that will make you skinny and happy. It is a life-changing decision that is never come to lightly. And my weightloss matters as much as Whoever, who lost it the “old fashioned” way. Where is my story on ABC? My People Magazine cover? Did you know that 95% of people who diet and lose a significant amount of weight fail? Sorry I took three years to decide to increase my 5% chance of success. That doesn’t make me less than you, it just makes what I did different than what people usually do.

 I think more WLS patients need to get their positive stories out there and fight this ridiculous bias against us. We are constantly bombarded with all these stories about how people lost weight “all natural, “without gimmicks” and it’s almost like they want us to feel shame.

 Well, fuck that, I’m done feeling like a failure.

 

Having Gastric Bypass Surgery changed AND saved my life; I’d do it all over again.

2009-2013

2009-2013

 

I’m proud of my weightloss and you’ll never take that from me.


Any of you had WLS out there and been shamed for it? Fight back! Fuck the Haters!

Why Do Clothing Stores Hate My Boobs? (Yes, I’m taking it personally)

It’s ridiculous, really.  We are bombarded with commercial’s for Victoria’s Secret super duper push-up bras, and it almost seems like everyone on TV/Movies has large breasts (with tiny frames!) yet I go to an H&M or Urban Outfitters or hell, even Macy’s and for the life of me, my 38D’s don’t fit in shit! Dresses are the worst. I get the size I’m supposed to be and it’s all honky dory with the zipper until BOOM! BOOBS! Damn thing won’t close. It is so frustrating. I feel like I have lost all this weight and should be enjoying all these cute dresses but nooo, my boobs won’t fit anywhere! I have to get like a XL-XXL and then the rest of the dress looks ridiculous. I always leave stores feeling so unhappy and like that fat girl I used to be. But then I can’t shop in the Plus Size section because everything is huge and, let’s face it, hideous (at least the places I’ve seen). Yeah, what’s up with designers and ridiculous loud patterns for Plus Sizes? Do they want to shame fat people by only making ugly clothes?

H%M "Plus Size" Dress

H%M “Plus Size” Dress

How in the living fuck is this woman plus sized?? Where are my boobs supposed to fit in there??
I swear, the whole fashion industry is so fucked. THEY ARE LOSING MONEY BY ALIENATING THOUSANDS OF CUSTOMERS!!!!!

Did you guys hear about these “real women” mannequins in Sweden? They come in a size 6 and a size 10 (mind you, the “average woman” is a size 12-14) and everyone is oohing and aahhing over how progressive this is and how these look like “real women.” First of all, they just look like slightly bigger mannequins; second of all, I am tired of all this “real women” crap. We are ALL REAL WOMEN, made of FLESH & BLOOD. We need to stop making this line between thin and not thin women and saying that one is better than the other. Also, I think we should have all kinds of mannequins with all types of bodies. I bet you I won’t look like that mannequin at a size 10 (that tall Swedish bitch -JK … kinda.) and neither do a lot of women who wear that size. Designers are missing out on customers by ignoring people beyond a size 6. It’s ridiculous! We are all fucking different, why can’t fashion reflect that? I guess I just don’t understand it. I’ve always heard the adage of “dress the body you have, not the one you wish you had” but do you know how difficult it is to dress my body? And I know I’m not the only one, either. My friend  and I once got into this long conversation about how we love all these adorable dresses on ModCloth.com but there’s no way we fit in them, even their “plus sizes.” And you know what it comes down to? That’s right: BOOBS. Why is it so difficult to find a dress that fits ALL OF ME?!

OK. Rant Over.

I just want some pretty dresses, dammit.

 

 

 

Do you guys have issues finding clothing that fit a specific part of your body?

Sometimes I Feel Like A Failure

I know that everyone’s WLS Journey is different and all that bullshit but I can’t help but feel like a total failure when I start googling before and after pics of people who’ve had the surgery, or when I see how my old WLS blogging buddies have already hit their target weight or are under it. Yes, I shouldn’t compare myself to others blah blah blah; but it’s really hard not to sometimes. After I gave birth I dropped most of what I gained during pregnancy super fast since I breastfed and then suddenly I blink and I had gained 17lbs of it back. Then I gained 5 lb more. And now those are gone after a couple of months but I am still 40lbs away from my goal. Only now I think I want to weigh 10 lbs less than that. To top things off my doctor found a nodule of my thyroid, then I had an ultrasound and she’s all “Oh, I don’t like how that looks” (BTW who the hell says that to a patient?) and then she tells me that I have hypothyroidism which is what’s making my weight fall off so slowly right now even though I’m barely breaking 1,000 calories a day. Oh, and I have to get a biopsy. So what is Kat’s brilliant thought-process during this whole time between now and getting this stuff treated? I figure “Man, if this is hindering me losing weight then I better eat even less so I can maintain what I’ve lost so far.” Wow, Kat! Genius! No, really, this is the most clever idea! The

I'm Ashamed To Even Get Ny XMas PIcture Taken

I’m Ashamed To Even Get Ny XMas PIcture Taken

worst part is that I know that these are not good thoughts and strategies. I know this is a fucked up way of handling this but yet, here we are.

I look in the mirror and sometimes I still see that girl at 360 lbs looking back at me. I have to go force myself to look at my “before” pictures which aren’t many because I used to avoid people taking pictures of me or, worse, I would photoshop them to make me look thinner. I know. The horror. Even looking at those pics doesn’t do much anymore because I feel like in a way, I’ve let everyone down. Everyone assumes when you undergo gastric bypass surgery, you WILL get thin. I mean, that’s pretty much ingrained in you. But I’m not thin. It’s going to be 3 years this December and I’m still “chubby.” I’m all for accepting your body as is and some days I do, I wake up and look in the mirror and feel that I look great! I’ll do my make up and feel pretty and do my nails and be all girly. And then there’s the days where all I can see are flaws. Extra skin, flabby arms, a hint of a double chin. Will I ever stop feeling this way? Will I always have body issues? Will I ever just stop looking at my body as a sum of its flaws and really understand how far I’ve come? I can only hope. But let me tell you, today was not that day.

How about you? Do you have days where you just feel like you’ve failed? How do you deal with it?

Hello from Outer Space!

Well, it certainly has been a while since I posted here, hasn’t it??

TONS of things have happened. Let’s see, oh yeah, I’m 38.5 weeks pregnant!!! So, in about a week and a half, Mark and I will be welcoming little Francesca Alessandra into the world. I’m super excited. And terrified.

The pregnancy has been mostly hassle-free until the very end when I’ve had some blood pressure issues and almost had to be induced early but thank goodness everything is fine now. I barely gained 25 lbs for the majority of being pregnant (even though I was eating SO badly. Oh, yeah. I have been all about sweets, carbs, soda and fast foods and comfort foods. Bad Kat.) but after all the craziness with my blood pressure and preeclampsia scare, I was put on bedrest for the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy and have managed to gain an additional 15 lbs. Sigh. I won’t lie, it has been a total mind-fuck to see the scale going up and up and not being able to do anything about it. After getting diagnosed with the high blood pressure I went back to eating healthy, but I’m still gaining weight. My OB assures me this is just water weight at the end and not to worry so much, but it’s hard, you know?

As far as other hectic things in my life, the boyfriend and I decided we should buy a house since we were becoming parents, so we have been shopping around and dealing with that whole mess. Let me tell you, getting a house is no picnic. So, due to all that stress, plus helping my mom plan a baby shower and now getting ready for the baby to come home, I’ve barely had enough time to think, let alone update the blog.

I’m catching up with what everyone has been up to, though, and I wanted to make an announcement that I will go ahead and follow through with my idea of blogging about motherhood.

The new blog is called “Kat Bites! Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Baby” and it would mean so much to me if you guys checked it out! It’s still a work in progress but I promise it’ll be good LOL

I will still try and update this blog as much as possible.

I hope you are all doing awesome!!!!

Love,

Kat

Roller Coaster

10 Weeks!

So, as of today I’m 10 weeks pregnant (apparently the baby is the size of a kumquat!) and beginning to really FEEL pregnant. This past week has been full of icky morning sickness and ridiculous crazy hormone-induced mood swings. I’m exhausted all the time and craving all kinds of awful junk food. It basically sucks because I really can’t have any fast food without feeling sick, but I try sometimes anyway and have to put up with the agony. I’ve been reading a lot about pregnancy after gastric bypass and I have to stay on top of my vitamins and what I eat, not to mention eat more often than I was before. I’m also dealing with some body image issues, as I keep thinking that I’m totally getting fat right now. Yes, I know, I’m pregnant, my belly is supposed to get bigger, but I feel like a cow already. I’m trying hard to stop negative thoughts about my weight from now on (apparently body-image issues are a huge thing for post-WLS pregnant women) because the last thing I want is to pass all these body-image, self-esteem, weight issues to my kid. Especially if it’s a girl, I don’t want her growing up with all the stigmas surrounding weight, I want her to be strong and to love herself, you know? So, I’m basically trying to fight with myself here so that my baby doesn’t have to go through all the years of self-hate, shaming and food issues that I went through. Pretty simple stuff, huh?

Well, other than that things have been fine. I hope things have been well for everyone. I promise I’ll start blogging more often very soon!