Fighting The Stigma

We’ve all seen the articles, the news stories “She lost over xxx-lbs! No surgery! No gimmicks!”

 

How hard could this all be , Fatty? You must just be lazy!

How hard could this all be to follow, Fatty? You must just be lazy!

Well, fuck you.

 Weight Loss Surgery is not a gimmick, it is not the “easy way” out, it isn’t “cheating.” By the way, if it was a “magic fix” then post-op regain would never happen! I am sick and tired of the stigma that people like me (who had any kind of WLS) have to go through all the time.

 I have heard all of the following statements at one time or another since having surgery:

“Have you seen The Biggest Loser? Those people lose hundreds of pounds the ‘old fashioned’ way.” (Yeah, the old fashioned way where you are stuck at a ranch and workout 8 hours a day and are barely allowed to eat or drink water before getting on a scale, ok.)

“I think you could have done it by yourself if you just exercised and ate right.” (Oh, my God! Exercise and Eating Right? Why didn’t you SAY SO? If I would have known it was so easy I would have TRIED THAT before REMOVING PART OF MY SMALL INTESTINE! You have blown my mind!)

“But people who get that surgery have to be like, really super duper fat right? You must have been really, really fat.” (Yeah. Thanks?)

“My cousin had a neighbor who had his stomach stapled and a staple came off and he died.” (OK???)

“You don’t look like you had surgery. Aren’t you supposed to get like, skinny?”(No shit. Someone said to me to my face. At my old job.)

“Well, you must be happy that you could eat anything and just turn skinny.” (LOL. See above.)

“Can you even eat?? I heard you can’t eat. OMG, what do you eat??” (Food.)

“You know that people can gain all their weight back and more? Like that singer lady?” (Sigh. Yes, Mom. I am aware of Carnie Wilson.)

“Yeah but I rather lose weight on my own, you know? Like, work for it instead of just cheating.” (Yep. To my face.)

So, let me just say again, for the record: THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY!

 My weightloss or my story isn’t any LESS than yours because I had surgery. I still wake up six times a day and work my ASS off to keep losing weight. I fight cravings. I struggle to make the right food choices. I log my calories. I work just as hard as anyone to get in shape and I think some WLS patients work even harder because they feel people constantly looking at them and judging them. I feel it all the time. At family functions, at my old job after surgery: people watch you like a hawk. They watch what you eat, when you eat it, how much you’re eating and they feel free to make comments. Why? Because somehow they think that because you had WLS your body is something they can freely talk about. As if we didn’t have enough to deal with when we were fat (Basically the same things, think about it. Everyone is a doctor when talking to a fat person.) now we have to deal with more shit after we decided to do something about it.

 Weight Loss Surgery isn’t a magic potion that will make you skinny and happy. It is a life-changing decision that is never come to lightly. And my weightloss matters as much as Whoever, who lost it the “old fashioned” way. Where is my story on ABC? My People Magazine cover? Did you know that 95% of people who diet and lose a significant amount of weight fail? Sorry I took three years to decide to increase my 5% chance of success. That doesn’t make me less than you, it just makes what I did different than what people usually do.

 I think more WLS patients need to get their positive stories out there and fight this ridiculous bias against us. We are constantly bombarded with all these stories about how people lost weight “all natural, “without gimmicks” and it’s almost like they want us to feel shame.

 Well, fuck that, I’m done feeling like a failure.

 

Having Gastric Bypass Surgery changed AND saved my life; I’d do it all over again.

2009-2013

2009-2013

 

I’m proud of my weightloss and you’ll never take that from me.


Any of you had WLS out there and been shamed for it? Fight back! Fuck the Haters!

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Sometimes I Feel Like A Failure

I know that everyone’s WLS Journey is different and all that bullshit but I can’t help but feel like a total failure when I start googling before and after pics of people who’ve had the surgery, or when I see how my old WLS blogging buddies have already hit their target weight or are under it. Yes, I shouldn’t compare myself to others blah blah blah; but it’s really hard not to sometimes. After I gave birth I dropped most of what I gained during pregnancy super fast since I breastfed and then suddenly I blink and I had gained 17lbs of it back. Then I gained 5 lb more. And now those are gone after a couple of months but I am still 40lbs away from my goal. Only now I think I want to weigh 10 lbs less than that. To top things off my doctor found a nodule of my thyroid, then I had an ultrasound and she’s all “Oh, I don’t like how that looks” (BTW who the hell says that to a patient?) and then she tells me that I have hypothyroidism which is what’s making my weight fall off so slowly right now even though I’m barely breaking 1,000 calories a day. Oh, and I have to get a biopsy. So what is Kat’s brilliant thought-process during this whole time between now and getting this stuff treated? I figure “Man, if this is hindering me losing weight then I better eat even less so I can maintain what I’ve lost so far.” Wow, Kat! Genius! No, really, this is the most clever idea! The

I'm Ashamed To Even Get Ny XMas PIcture Taken

I’m Ashamed To Even Get Ny XMas PIcture Taken

worst part is that I know that these are not good thoughts and strategies. I know this is a fucked up way of handling this but yet, here we are.

I look in the mirror and sometimes I still see that girl at 360 lbs looking back at me. I have to go force myself to look at my “before” pictures which aren’t many because I used to avoid people taking pictures of me or, worse, I would photoshop them to make me look thinner. I know. The horror. Even looking at those pics doesn’t do much anymore because I feel like in a way, I’ve let everyone down. Everyone assumes when you undergo gastric bypass surgery, you WILL get thin. I mean, that’s pretty much ingrained in you. But I’m not thin. It’s going to be 3 years this December and I’m still “chubby.” I’m all for accepting your body as is and some days I do, I wake up and look in the mirror and feel that I look great! I’ll do my make up and feel pretty and do my nails and be all girly. And then there’s the days where all I can see are flaws. Extra skin, flabby arms, a hint of a double chin. Will I ever stop feeling this way? Will I always have body issues? Will I ever just stop looking at my body as a sum of its flaws and really understand how far I’ve come? I can only hope. But let me tell you, today was not that day.

How about you? Do you have days where you just feel like you’ve failed? How do you deal with it?

Hello from Outer Space!

Well, it certainly has been a while since I posted here, hasn’t it??

TONS of things have happened. Let’s see, oh yeah, I’m 38.5 weeks pregnant!!! So, in about a week and a half, Mark and I will be welcoming little Francesca Alessandra into the world. I’m super excited. And terrified.

The pregnancy has been mostly hassle-free until the very end when I’ve had some blood pressure issues and almost had to be induced early but thank goodness everything is fine now. I barely gained 25 lbs for the majority of being pregnant (even though I was eating SO badly. Oh, yeah. I have been all about sweets, carbs, soda and fast foods and comfort foods. Bad Kat.) but after all the craziness with my blood pressure and preeclampsia scare, I was put on bedrest for the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy and have managed to gain an additional 15 lbs. Sigh. I won’t lie, it has been a total mind-fuck to see the scale going up and up and not being able to do anything about it. After getting diagnosed with the high blood pressure I went back to eating healthy, but I’m still gaining weight. My OB assures me this is just water weight at the end and not to worry so much, but it’s hard, you know?

As far as other hectic things in my life, the boyfriend and I decided we should buy a house since we were becoming parents, so we have been shopping around and dealing with that whole mess. Let me tell you, getting a house is no picnic. So, due to all that stress, plus helping my mom plan a baby shower and now getting ready for the baby to come home, I’ve barely had enough time to think, let alone update the blog.

I’m catching up with what everyone has been up to, though, and I wanted to make an announcement that I will go ahead and follow through with my idea of blogging about motherhood.

The new blog is called “Kat Bites! Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Baby” and it would mean so much to me if you guys checked it out! It’s still a work in progress but I promise it’ll be good LOL

I will still try and update this blog as much as possible.

I hope you are all doing awesome!!!!

Love,

Kat

18 weeks, 5 days!

Here I am at 17 Weeks! Have only gained 4 lbs 🙂

I haven’t updated in FOREVER! (I don’t blame you if you don’t even bother to check anymore)

A lot has happened, I’m now 18 weeks and 5 days pregnant; I’m no longer working and we are looking for a house to welcome our baby girl (yay! a girl!) who is due on January 29th.

Now that I have all this time off, I’ve been considering starting to blog about my pregnancy post-WLS (what’s left of it) and eventually about parenting. I have been toying with this idea for a while and hopefully soon I will have a concrete plan and can actually get started.

I hope you’re all doing great, I will be reading your blogs and catching up!

 

 

 

 

Roller Coaster

10 Weeks!

So, as of today I’m 10 weeks pregnant (apparently the baby is the size of a kumquat!) and beginning to really FEEL pregnant. This past week has been full of icky morning sickness and ridiculous crazy hormone-induced mood swings. I’m exhausted all the time and craving all kinds of awful junk food. It basically sucks because I really can’t have any fast food without feeling sick, but I try sometimes anyway and have to put up with the agony. I’ve been reading a lot about pregnancy after gastric bypass and I have to stay on top of my vitamins and what I eat, not to mention eat more often than I was before. I’m also dealing with some body image issues, as I keep thinking that I’m totally getting fat right now. Yes, I know, I’m pregnant, my belly is supposed to get bigger, but I feel like a cow already. I’m trying hard to stop negative thoughts about my weight from now on (apparently body-image issues are a huge thing for post-WLS pregnant women) because the last thing I want is to pass all these body-image, self-esteem, weight issues to my kid. Especially if it’s a girl, I don’t want her growing up with all the stigmas surrounding weight, I want her to be strong and to love herself, you know? So, I’m basically trying to fight with myself here so that my baby doesn’t have to go through all the years of self-hate, shaming and food issues that I went through. Pretty simple stuff, huh?

Well, other than that things have been fine. I hope things have been well for everyone. I promise I’ll start blogging more often very soon!

 

Surprise Announcement!

So, as you all know I have been going kinda nuts trying to lose these last few pounds and lately I kept stalling and stalling and it was driving me nuts … Well, I went to the doctor and found out why all this was happening. I’m having a baby!

We just found out Monday, I’m at 9 weeks (today!) and Mark and I are SO excited!!

I’m a little nervous about being pregnant post-op but I’m reading a lot and I plan on blogging about this experience 🙂

I plan on being as healthy as possible while pregnant, if I ever had a reason to kick my ass into being healthy it’s now, right?

 

Well, that’s it for my little announcement! I hope everyone’s doing great 🙂

Workouts With Leslie

So, as I mentioned in a previous post, Friday I had my first training session with Leslie! We did weights, abs and yoga. It was a workout of about 2.5 hours and she kicked my ass!

My whole upper body has always been my weak point so she came up with a whole variety of weight-lifting exercises for my shoulders, biceps, triceps and abs that were both easy but very intense! I’m writing this entry with total T-Rex Arms (when your arms are so sore you can barely move or really stretch them so you look like a T-Rex). She made me a little sheet to track my reps and how much weight I used. It was all very organized and neat and all in all a great time. I found out I can do a lot more than I thought, and also that Yoga is not as easy as it looks. To see what our routine entailed, you can check out her detailed blog entry here.

We’re going to make these workouts a weekly thing and also, she’s gonna make me a little sheet with workouts that I’ll do on my own during the week. I’m going to be trying the gym at work this week for free and I’m going to try other gyms around my area to see what I like best. Since I can’t run for too long at a time until I fix the whole hip situation, I’m trying to focus on building muscle and strength; combining it with the little cardio I can do.

Tomorrow I’m starting my own version of Phase One of the South Beach Diet and I’m both looking forward to and dreading it. I hate that I can’t drink any wine or have any corn or potatoes for two full weeks. But it’s all for the sake of shocking my system and getting over this carb obsession I seem to have. Damn you carbs! At least the food list of what I CAN eat is very extensive and inclusive, so I don’t see me being too hungry during this whole ordeal. And after doing the 5 Day Pouch Test, I’m getting full a lot faster so I’m feeling good and confident.

I hope everyone had a nice, fun weekend and is ready to start a brand new week!