The Sun Does Shine Again

Smile When the Shadows Fall for the Sun Will Soon Shine Again

The thing they don’t tell you about mental illness is how it sometimes lulls you into a fake sense of security before pulling the rug out from under you. This new medication (Wellbutrin) has been working wonders but then my period came and suddenly I was back in tears every five seconds, lashing out and just being irrational. Now, should I be surprised? Hormones are a crazy thing after all, and I did all the research to see if this antidepressant would actually affect my menstrual cycle (they say no). But it completely turned my whole house upside down. Mark and I were at each others’ throats, and anything he said to me was met with mistrust and aggression.

As bad as my periods have been, and they are bad, I’d never experienced such a Dr. Jeckyll/Ms. Hyde scenario before. Mark was caught like a deer in headlights and the house became a warzone. It was such a big blow to us because I’ve been making so much progress and it just spiraled me into a deeper depression.

I guess what I had to learn firsthand (which has been told to me many times) that when you’re in recovery, setbacks can and will happen.

I’m happy to report that things have more or less returned to “normal” or whatever is passing for that these days. This family has been through a lot, and yes I say this family because although most things happened directly to me, they affected everyone. As I write this, Frenchie and Mark argue about whether or not “Daddy can sit down” (that girl is so strong-willed!) and I’m sitting here, content, in front of my laptop and being able to write again as the smell of brewing coffee fills the air.

Life is good. Enjoy the little moments.

photo 3-7

In which Kat learns about Patience … AGAIN.

So I write that previous post and the following day I wake up feeling much better.

Love will make everything better

Love will make everything better

Didn’t cry once. I guess Wellbutrin is finally working?

I feel more upbeat, can concentrate more during my morning meditation, have creative thoughts coming out my ears and I just feel more like, well, me. I’m writing nonstop and have ideas for articles and maybe even short stories again! I wish I slept more, though. Gonna try and buy Melatonin this week. Anyone try it and can give me your perspective on it?

The anxiety and nightmares are still there, of course, but I like my new therapist and we’ve chosen to do CPT therapy especially because of my PTSD so hopefully that can get better soon.

What’s that saying I’m always repeating? “Smile When the Shadows Fall for the Sun Will Soon Shine Again” yet I always seem to forget it when I’m down. I need to tattoo it. No kidding.

As for The Ovarian Cyst That Will Not Die. Still There. Seeing GYN on Monday. Will demand she remove this sumbitch NOW. I can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE! It keeps GROWING! Ugh. I wish I was a man sometimes. A fabulous gay man with a magnificent sense of style and 9 inch penis. I mean, seriously, I’d be glorious.